Anti-pervert hairy stockings,
could they be a summer hit?
The latest practical fashion item
in a woman's survival kit.
Women tired of endless staring
at their legs can now deflect
all unwanted male attention
and command instant respect.
“Super sexy, anti-pervert
leg-hair stockings are the trend,
essential in a woman's wardrobe,”
say the ads, “So tell your friends!
Ladder proof and snuggly fitting,
perfect for the summertime,
bushy stockings are the answer
to the growth in pervy crime.”
They're going down a bomb in China,
where millions now avert their eyes,
hear the sound of leg hair scraping
rhythmically on ladies' thighs.
But before you rush to buy them,
think about the 'handsome guys'
put off by such gruesome leg wear.
Is this method really wise?
Wearers say they feel disgusting,
annihilate all female charm.
Is it worth such drastic measures?
Does a look do any harm?
I think I'll stick to baggy trousers -
always does the trick for me,
and if I want some hairy legs
I'll use the ones I've got, for free.
© Heather Wastie
Heather Wastie is a poet and musician based in Kidderminster where she is Writer in Residence at the Museum of Carpet. See Wastie's Space to find out more.