Friday, 4 November 2011

The Gone-Green Gangrene Obscene Bluey Green Blues

There once was a time when I didn’t care
That when I drove my car, it polluted the air
But now I’ve invested in an ethical share
I’m a catalytic convert & I’m eco-aware
I’ve got a sticker there
Stuck square on the screen
So that everybody knows
That I’ve gone green

I’ve got the gone-green gangrene obscene bluey green blues
      (Seen whose got those green blues)
So I can ditch my rich kid image whenever I choose
      (Been there, bought those, what’s news?)
& I put on my green make-up, & I put on my green shoes
      (Well, green wellies, actually)

You Save The Whale; I’ll go one better
Gonna campaign to Make The Rain Forest Wetter
Look, I already spent eighty quid on the sweater
& I write to my MP – Well, I sent one letter
I’m a real go-getter
You’ve seen I am
I’ve got badges on my badges
Saying just how green I am

I’ve got the gone-green gangrene obscene bluey green blues
      (Seen whose got those green blues)
I exude my eco-friendliness just like a gluey green ooze
      (Seen that green slime? That’s mine)
Emerald’s my birthstone, & crème de menthe’s my booze
      (I drink two pints
      Then I recycle it)

I’m an ozone clone full of greenhouse gas
& I can’t tell my belly from a bio-mass
But at least seeming green makes me seem less crass
As I drive to the corner to recycle my glass
I’m as green as the grass
I’ve heard the call
Ten green bottles
& I banked them all

I’ve got the gone-green gangrene obscene bluey green blues
      (Seen whose got those green blues)
So keen on green that I need to be seen in the news
      (I’m so sincere, I cry green tears)
Green forever’s my endeavour, till I find some other cuter line to use
      (Been there
      Bought shares
      Done that
      Sold out)

© David Bateman

George Osborne and the Treasury attacked for hostility to green policies
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David was Liverpool Poetry Slam Champion 2007, and still hasn’t got over it. His one proper book is Curse Of The Killer Hedge (Iron 1996). He also writes stories and teaches some creative writing.

5 comments:

  1. This made me smile. Very clever.

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  2. I'd love to hear this in a performance!

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  3. This is a fantastic poem, really funny and clever!

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  4. Ta for the kind comments. Re Jane's comment, this poem is one I really enjoy performing. I would sing it too, except I can't sing.

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  5. Wonderfully self mocking and rollicking verse!

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