Friday, 29 July 2011

We Are Sorry (But...)

“Police chiefs fear the lack of loo breaks is
behind complaints from members of the public
of ‘incivility, impoliteness and intolerance’.”

We are sorry Mail Online, 20th July 2011


We are sorry about the incivility
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about the impoliteness
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about the intolerance
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about the baton charge
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about going a bit mad
in that beanfield in Wiltshire that time
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about Jean Charles de Menezes
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about Sharpeville
but we were dying to go to the toilet.

We are sorry about Dachau
but we were all really, really
dying to go to the toilet.


© David Bateman

Riot police demand toilet breaks 'to stop them from wetting themselves'
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David was Liverpool Poetry Slam Champion 2007, and still hasn’t got over it. His one proper book is Curse Of The Killer Hedge (Iron 1996). He also writes stories and teaches some creative writing.

4 comments:

  1. Interesting observation David.

    As someone being cursed (life long) with weakness in the old bladder area and thus a need, a great need, to know where every public toilet in the universe is - I can relate to how 'dying to go to the toilet' invades the thought process.

    That said, for the police to infer that their actions can be influenced to such an extent would suggest that a mass of police suffer from weak bladders.

    That said again - I can understand the need for a break - of any kind. Emotions must be stirred to such a level that group/tribal mentality takes over and then anything is possible.

    I do not envy the police in their task nor to I admire them when the primitive man (that exists within us all) is stirred and surfaces and they become a mob in themselves.

    The police are made up of a cross-section of society and there are bound to be some 'rum' ones in there - but as history shows, all of us, whatever our 'designation' in life are capable of the unthinkable.

    Ramble/rant over. Thanks for making me think.

    Anna :o]

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  2. I was really, really tempted to put a picture of a sign on this saying:
    "Police station toilets stolen... officers have nothing to go on."

    I often have to go a few hours without a loo break and haven't punched anyone yet.

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  3. I can see it now.

    At footy matches all over the country: it’s half-time and fearsome yellow-jacketed, blue-helmeted police officers file off for their statutory ‘comfort break’ to a raucous chorus of “We know what you’re doing!”

    Every Saturday.

    Probably enough to make any copper wish he’d kept mum and clenched the thighs. And certain to dispose more than a few to a little incivility and impoliteness.

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  4. Is that why coppers were called Johns or John Hops? This came to me in the wee small hours.

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